worrywart

lying hurts

2009-07-11T09:20:00.000-07:00

I hate subterfuge and lying.I hate it most when its practiced by people you expect to be open with.The constant being on edge bugs me no end.Relationships last because there is openness they crumble and die when there is deceit.I have always prided myself for my honesty and integrity i wish i could say the same for others who i have the misfortune to be in touch with.I expected change in such people but I guess I was kidding myself.

to scream or not to....

2008-12-12T20:00:00.000-08:00

i always thought that it would be easy to put together an event with the help of students.i've since realised the naivete behind it all.if there are forty students there are that many dissenting opinions as well.sometimes i reach the nadir trying to convince a bunch of mulish students to give up being stubborn.i fail miserably.the national seminar looms in the not so distant future.i require devine intervention.so help me god.ciao

two little kitties

2008-04-22T08:44:00.000-07:00

nearly twelve years ago my beloved pet dog steggy died leaving me completely shattered .i swore at that point never to care for another animal and leave myself open to pain again.but god willed otherwise.a week ago two scrawny kittens landed at our garden.my daughter and husband have taken to them easily ,she has named one lathy and the other pathy.i have opened up to them reluctantly.i protest but heartily give away the extra milk to the two poor mites.i am rewarded with grateful purrs and kitty rubs.i love it all.yet there is that latent fear of what ifs.of the two lathy is the healthy one ,a surviver.pathy is tired and seems to be giving up the fight she has given up food and the overwhelming heat of bangalore is too much for her.i have hinted to my daughter to be prepared for any eventuality.she cried her heart out just imagining such a possibility.i pray to god to take care of the kitties .give me and my family the strength to face what HE has in mind.dear kitties you are loved.

exam blues

2008-03-16T07:55:00.000-07:00

i have always hated exams.i hate them all the more now because my daughter is over burdened by a slew of them through out the year and she is in grade five ! i cant imagine whats it going to be like for her and other kids like her in the coming years.as a teacher i lament the fact that we hardly test the intelligence of the students through these exams .its just a stream of facts learnt without much enthusiasm or love , a chore that has got to be completed well for most kids.i hate to see my daughter go through the tension and anxiety of the whole process.when i was a school girl(eons ago) i always felt that things would change in the future but it did not.my daughter sometimes wonders will it be different for kids twenty years down the line? i hate to disappoint her-little one dont have hopes on that quarter.i hope for the future generation we find a better method of evaluation.ciao.

welcomes and farewells.

2008-03-10T01:42:00.000-07:00

its that time of year again -term end.another semester almost coming to a close.i love it and i hate it as well.love it because it promises new beginnings hate it because familiar faces are fast fading into a region of the future .a future that does not involve me teaching them familiar topics.well i guess every teacher experiences these disconsolate feelings.i am glad students today are cool about endings and farewells.no embarrassing bouts of gushy 'miss yous' with the present generation.they are able to handle' end of college' moments with equanimity and strength.bravo girls -you have indeed come a long way!bye girls,a hearty welcome to the new kids on the block!

movie masti with khan

2007-10-24T23:37:00.000-07:00

its that time of year again-diwali!to me and to scores of shah rukh khan fans it means only one thing--badshah's latest release.i am waiting with all the eagerness of a teen his new movie--om shanti om.every time i see the promos of the film i get charged.i have high expectations from both king khan as well as the director,farah khan.she did a terrific job with main hoon na.i am sure she'll come a cropper this time round too.what with khan sharing screen space with so many stars [past and present-in fact the whos who of the hindi film industry]its no wonder then that the film is generating so much heat.bit i hope he keeps the ham box home and belts out a swadesh like performance.heres to great movies.ciao.

melting moments

2007-10-23T01:04:00.000-07:00

the year,the academic year is nearly coming to a close.so many thoughts come to mind .not easy to capture every moment and store for later.it was eventful.new students jostled with the old for space--emotional and physical.every year it gets that much tougher for students to establish this sense of self.i wonder why?i remember my college days-we girls were pleasantly complacent in our individual grooves.hardly any rivalry or competition.infact naively satisfied with our lot.were we innocent or merely living in a fools paradise?thats a question i'am going to need some serious thinking to be done.later much later.thinking of the present generation brings to my mind my daughter.she is only ten.so much awaits her out there.i hope she is able to enjoy all of the excitement and fun thats part of being young.little one,savour and cherish this time,dont be in a hurry.

where there is a will

2007-08-29T02:15:00.000-07:00

finally have the time for some personal space.its getting to be a luxury these days.saw the film 'chak de'.loved it .after a long time a film that was entertaining without the element of 'love and romance'.of course i find shah rukh khan's mere presence in a movie romantic so i have no complaints that he had no heroine to woo and sing to.he was surrounded by more than a dozen gals most of the time.its another matter that they were no more attractive than an average school boy (so devoid of femininity were they),swinging their hockey sticks in an endearing way.shah himself was most self effacing and sincere.no preening of 'DYNK' clothes,no hangovers of his 'Rahul' roles.you understand clearly that dir:shamit amin knows his craft.it is a tightly written script that never once misses a beat.F_O_C_U_S is what you get.the star cast that does not boast of any big name except for shah rukh is truly worth more than a cursory mention.each of them live their role,that of small town hockey players who dream of playing for India.the matches though exaggerated(after all its a hindi film),pack a lot of nail biting suspense and thrill.you leave the theater with a sense of fulfillment(its my opinion thats all).well, amidst all the pessimism, this film comes as a positive north wind-cool,refreshing and encouraging.i say,'chak de' !

get them gals.

2007-08-03T02:29:00.000-07:00

had the presentation of union nominees in college today.found the girls very smart and intelligent.they spoke well and established an audience connect immediately.this speaks volumes about the younger generation.they are a capable lot.not all are flighty and frivolous as made out to be.sometimes one is overly unfair on the younger lot.we should give them credit when they deserve it.i am proud of all the cottonians.may the best win.all the best girls.ciao.

uncertinities

2007-07-26T02:29:00.000-07:00

have lots of things on my mind.what worries me is this, am i giving too much of myself to my work and not to my family?have i turned into a workoholic?december is an important month and i just cannot leave my baby and go anywhere.i have to get out of the cumbersome commitments.i hope i can.well i wonder if others have similar problems such as i .lets see whats in store for me bouquets or bricbats.cio for now.

money counts.

2007-06-21T05:39:00.000-07:00

saw the movie 'network' on pix today.showed the dirty world of the tv business.how ratings are everything,how it eats away any or all human values amid people.robert duval as the top producer and faye dunnaway as the ruthless programme exec who chops away people if they dont bring in the audience, are exemplary in their roles.no one can forget peter finch as the crazed news caster or william holden as the insecure tv anchorman who finds it difficult to balance a girlfriend and a family and finally ends up losing both.thirty years have passed since the movie was made and ironically nothing has changed in the world of media.it is as though there is no place for ethics.it is only money that is important.someone called me cynical the other day for making the same observation .sadly very similar thoughts were echoed by none other than sir mark tully in one of the functions that he recently graced.i guess everyone is caught on to the gravy train and nothing matters.who said this? money money money sweeter than honey!they knew the world for what its worth.tata.

sweet taste of love

2007-06-17T07:51:00.000-07:00

coming back after a long time.saw the movie 'mungaru male'.i've always had a hindi film fixation subsequently have this ugh reaction to non hindi films(more fool me,i know).but i was pleasantly surprised with mungaru.it was good.please,i apologise if it sounds patronising.thats the last thing i intend.the hero is endearingly sincere.the heroine is passable of course.the music is enchanting and the locales mind blowing.there is an ache in his movie that is difficult to ignore.as a love story its not new but definitely refreshing in its presentation.all the world loves a lover, you cant help loving this guy.may we see more such romances on screen.adieu for now.

simple pleasures

2007-05-20T09:17:00.000-07:00

just back after a very short vacation.what a relief from work!i wish sometimes that our life could be one long vacation.lazy mornings and still lazier hours of the day that yawns into a sense of the unlimited.more fool me for even imagining that such a thing can exist.well as they say -'you live in hope.'i would like nothing better than be in a world devoid of technology ,especially those of the infringing kind-cell phones,cell phones n cell phones!they can be such a dampner.i am not too happy with e-mail either.corresponding to all n sundry takes a chunk out of ones limited time ,time that could be other wise spent with ones family!!(this is for all the gals out there who are overlooked by the guys in favour of the 'just checking the e-mail'menace)and dont even start me on tv.would like nothing better than the good ol' days of letters and the grandpa phones of yore .the former took effort and was thus a rarity the latter was expensive and beyond reach for most and thereby less of a threat to ones privacy.i guess i am a simpleton at heart.want nothing more than-a loaf of bread ,a jug of wine(make mine mineral water),my little one and T-H-O-U!!the rest of the world be d****d!

of racing cars and love stories

2007-05-13T20:56:00.000-07:00

saw the movie tararumpum.i agree with rajeev masand that there is nothing new ,that the story is an old one ,that its a mishmash of other great stories.but thats exactly what entertaining cinema is all about.how you tell a story.there are love stories and there are love stories.but whats y-o-u-r take on it.how unique can you make it for the viewer,there lies the challenge.i am pleased to note that sidharth anand has done a creditable job as a director.he has succeeded in getting 'vow' performances from the lead actors.the interplay of emotions between rani and saif are truly pleasureable to watch.thats a screen pair we need to watch out for.the tiny tots in the movie are extremely talented and it shows in their performances.the criticism that it has too many racing scenes is not really justified because the film is about a racer !!in this era of little time and no interest,sidharth has managed to do the impossible--captured the attention of the viewer ,and how!one can always pick holes in the script(disjointed),the story(old)direction(nothing great).yet when we leave the theater we leave with the feeling of satisfaction ,of having seen a good movie.this of course is a personal take.i still carry with me the image of rani mukherjee crying at the sight of her children gorging on stolen food(incidently stolen by her from a kiddy party where she plays the piono for a living),awash with guilt (for stealing)and a pathetic sense of pride/happiness at seeing her food starved kids eat their hearts content after a long time .if this is'nt great cinema what is?

movie masti magic

2007-04-26T06:39:00.000-07:00

i love movies.my earliest movie memory is that of director shantaram's film-jal bin machli,nritya bin bijali.a classic movie dealing with a dancer's passion for dance and an unfortunate accident that robs her of this one big driving force in her life. a better part of the movie is spiced with lavish song and dance sequences of matchless spirit and verve.there have been many movies i have managed to see in all these years.each time i go and sit inside the theater the magic of this wonderful medium engulfs me effortlessly,time and time again.i submit myself fully to the drama and romance of the celluloid.many years ago rishi kapoor enslaved me with his number-tere chehere se nazar nahin hutthi,nazare hum kya dekhe.now it is sharukh khan who wins me and woos me with -jaanam dekhlo mit gayee duriyan or aamir telling me to -loose control.faces have changed ,but i remain the heroine and leading lady for all these great guys of hindi cinema.i am ever ready to loose control!!

true to reality

2007-04-23T01:53:00.000-07:00

just read amulya maladi's novel' serve it with curry'.very enlightening as far as human emotions go.i could identify myself with almost all the female charecters ,the age of the charecters not withstanding .though set against an american backdrop had a truly indian feel.am interrupted will come back later.

a little more maturity.

2007-03-29T02:30:00.000-07:00

many issues were ironed out.i realise that its difficult to handle the collective egos of many students.one has to very carefull. but it was done with care and diplomacy.my advice to all young lady students do not give too much importance to rumours and comments of others.try to move on despite and inspite of others trying to put you down.life teaches us all lessons.bye for now gals out there.

heart strings

2007-03-27T08:12:00.000-07:00

heard the songs of the film 'veer-zaara'.there was video accompaniment too.the screen seemed to sizzle with the chemistry between the principal characters.i dont mean to gush(i know i am doing exactly that,sorry).very few screen pairs have that-electricity,that binds them intrincically.makes many a member of the audience sigh with longing or envy.to have that something special with someone.well some are lucky (the fortunate few) and some are not.the search is perrenial.i shall stop now .more later.

pretty woman n 'm-e-n'!

2007-03-19T08:16:00.000-07:00

liked the movie 'pyar ke side effects'.watched it yesterday.there was nothing new in the movie in terms of story or theme.yet there was somthing i found endearing.mallika surprised me.i know it sounds patronising but i don't mean to be.like so many millions of viewers i too judged a female actor wrongly without even seeing a single film of hers.is it too impossible for an actress to be sexy as well as convincing in her role.why can't she have both?another point i noticed in the film was the perrenial complaint of men against the institution of marriage?if any body has the right i guess its the women.we have to put up with them don't we.hey girls let not any body convince you of it otherwise-we bear the cross of it -literally!

after effects

2007-03-15T23:11:00.000-07:00

the event is over at last.i am happy my students did creditably.they stand a good chance of entering into the final round.so many dreams, so many aspirations.i felt happy for those who came that much closer to realising theirs.but saw pain of rejection as well.to all those who tried and lost ,i understand.i wish it could have been otherwise. well thats life--you lose some,you win some.while on our way to work my husband and i saw a dog and watched with fascination how it observed the people cross the busy intersection.it faithfully followed them and successfully crossed over to the other side.am interrupted here.will log on later.

0f life and nonsense

2007-03-13T00:03:00.000-07:00

we woman are stange creatures.we think too much ,we feel too much.another weakness is we expect too much out of life and people.i as a teacher expect too much out of some of my students .why are we this way.more to the point why am i made this way?i guess i have a lot of unlearning to do.i also bring down every thing into an emotional quotient.i have no idea why i do it.i would like nothing better than to be like the scores of young women i see-detatched and professional.i am perpetually on an emotional high--both my daughter and husband can vouch for that.i have had an eventful day today.totally bushed.catch up with myself later.

of love n romance

2007-03-07T20:04:00.000-08:00

i can never be like that.succint and oh so pragmatic about every thing.i have to have an element of romance and excitement in my life -be it work or personal life.more in my personal life of course but thats not hapenning on an everyday basis.the daily routine somhow impedes this process of l n r.he says we are getting enough of l n r and i disagree with him.is there any thing called enough where love or loving is concerned.wake up n.its a call to you.start by posting a gooey reply to this.bye

family ties

2007-03-05T00:35:00.000-08:00

bemused and totally confused not knowing what to do.i am so helpless.i guess i am very sensitive.i have to learn to be more thick skinned.people let us down.the ones we consider our own are the ones who hurt us the most.but for her sake i shall face the situation.my daughter thou art the love of my life.little one your mother is made of sterner stuff.my home and hearth is very precious to me.on to more optimistic things.she is growing up to be a pretty young thing.i can't wait for her to turn eighteen.i shall have a true friend in her.i cant wait for that to happen.i would to go to the movies with her a past time i once enjoyed so much with my husband.he doesnt enjoy movies anymore.considers them juvenile.or does he consider me juvenile?thats a poser i am interested in getting an answer to.families are strange things.they can make or break you.i wonder what will happen to me?

of faith and trust

2007-03-03T04:06:00.000-08:00

i feel a strange sensation in my tummy.i know for a fact that it is tension.i know the reason too.but who do i tell it to .it is too sensitive an issue.i have spoken about it to my--.i try to rationalise that such things dont happen to people like me.i dont even want to think about this .i just want it to go away.its not good for me to worry.but try as i might nothing seems to work.how do i ignore this.its an act that i shall never forgive.i hate deciet.my daughter,the love and light of my life help me survive this and many more transgressions of people.i feel very defeated right now.will come back later.

bored to death.

2007-03-01T01:04:00.000-08:00

hi to whoever out there.there can't be many since i am yet to recieve a comment on my previous posts.i sleepwalked through the entire day.an achievement indeed for usually i am charged with manic energy.i guess its the lack of excitement.what am i looking for?attention and loads of it mind you.but i dont see that happenning.poor me.i wish i could streatch the speacial moments of life for ever.if wishes were horses i would have been the proud owner of a pair of fine stallions.sometimes ,simple pleasures become near impossible.i need constant assurance.i dont see that happenning either.well,to love and all that.bye.

2007-02-27T06:18:00.000-08:00

saw a play .it was good.love letters and mush were the telling points.took me back to the past when my husband and i wrote scores,in fact more than a hundred letters of love to each other.the good o'l days of across a crowded room feeling.you hardly have those things around anymore.do people still believe in love and romance these days.i have my doubts.i see many young people in the course of my work and not many share my passion for this emotion called love.its all so very business-like and practical these days.i have nothing against business or practicalities in life as long they dont impede my love life.i am sure there are many die hard romantics out there who feel the same way.i would like nothing better than for my man to besiege me with love letters.like the carpenter's song 'yesterday oncemore'.i hope that he gets the message.

teething problems

2007-02-20T06:52:00.000-08:00

my first attempt at blogging. i have no clue as to why i am doing this. suffice it to say that i was inspired by my husband's blogulas- a word coined to describe verbal diarhoea let loose by people when emotionally charged in front of a computer terminal.
whats amazing is my mind is a complete blank as opposed to the inspiration i was talking about. i need a muse to keep me going. i have two in my mind. one is my daughter and the other is my husband. contrary to everyone's romantic notions, both are a source of constant, u guessed it- worry. the reasons are zillions in number.
the wheels are in motion but the thoughts are too abstract right now.